Don't eat that!!!

Today, Auggie's ECFE class had a visit from the fire marshal.  He was there to impart important fire safety and medical information.  While he remained calm and informative, I found myself spiraling into a panic.  It didn't help that I had heard the same spiel last week during Harry's class.

Last week, I came home from the lecture and buckled my kids into their chairs for lunch (see previous post for my ode to harnesses).  While they munched away happily, I flew around the kitchen reorganizing various cleaning supplies that may not have been as securely locked as they should have been.  I suppose I was convinced that if I didn't take care of those things immediately I'd be calling poison control within the hour. I had visions of my children sneaking out of their room during naptime in order to guzzle Method cleaning supplies (that wouldn't be too bad because that brand is non-toxic, right? Kidding).

It is to my great surprise, I've not had to call Poison Control yet for the boys.  However, I did spend plenty of time (and money) discussing mushrooms with the animal poison control when the dogs were younger.  For something like $90, I learned how to prep the pups for a tasty serving of hydrogen peroxide so they could run around and puke up things they shouldn't have eaten all over the yard.  Those were good times.

I try to remind myself that diaper rash creams and baby shampoos and the various lotions and sunscreen we use on the boys must be somewhat safe to consume in small doses.  Right?  (If not, please refrain from saying so.  It's too late.  My children must also drink a healthy amount of their own urine since they both find bathwater to be delicious.  There's nothing like a cocktail of shampoo and pee.  Sigh.)  Otherwise, the phone lines would be inundated with calls from parents asking whether it was okay for Tommy to have licked his hand after sticking it down his behind where diaper cream was just spread (okay, okay, Tommy is code for Auggie).

This week, our class focused more on actual fire safety.  So now I'm convinced that the 10+ smoke alarms and carbon monoxide alarms (including the ones connected to our security system) are not nearly enough for our tiny house.  We need to get some of those interconnected wireless ones.  Pronto.  I'm not sure I could convince Derek to have sprinkler systems installed, but it's worth a shot.

Apparently, I also need to work on an exit strategy from the house in case of a fire.  I can't even begin to imagine what that looks like with two toddlers and two dogs, especially since Max (our yellow lab) really should be taking some sort of anti-anxiety medication.

Oh, and I should add a fire ladder to the list of supplies that Derek needs to get from Home Depot this week (that's in addition to the lightbulbs I asked you for 2 weeks ago, sweetie).

Thankfully, I found there to be one silver lining in the fire discussion.  Despite the fact that my house seems to be in perpetual disrepair, it will apparently burn much slower if it catches fire since it's so old. Awesome.

So now I'm stuck with the following dilemma:  it's dangerous for us to go outside since we are constantly falling down and contracting various illnesses, but it's equally a threat for us to remain inside due to the possibility of fire and inappropriate ingestion.

This is when I feel like we might be much better off in a rubber room.

Buckle up for Mom's Sanity!

There’s nothing like a good harness, buckle, or seat belt.  And before you go all 50 Shades on me, I’m talking about the various restraints that manage to keep my kids from potential emergency room visits.  I’ve come to realize that the most stress-free parts of my day are when my children are safely squared away into contraptions.  So I thought this week I’d pay homage to some of those devices.

The Stroller
I am in love with my double Bob.  I’ve used it practically every single day for the last 16 months.  It’s the only stroller we have, therefore I spend a lot of time hefting it in and out of the car (and I fully count that as my weight lifting routine, along with carrying Harry).

It also turns on a dime and fits through 99% of the doors I’ve attempted to maneuver it through.  I’ve had many a nurse try to persuade me that it wasn’t going to fit through an exam room door only to thankfully prove them wrong.  (I challenge you to go to a doctor’s appointment with 2 toddlers sans stroller.  DISASTER.  I know from experience because I was feeling cocky one day.  It didn’t end well and involved the hurling of several plastic cups and chalk and resulted in an angry doctor.) 

But I do have a confession to make.  


Keep reading here: Patch blog #10